Category Archives: Cato the Cat

Cat-o’s Tips for Cats on Trips: Never say N.O. to New Orleans

Cat-o the Youngest’s back! with more hedonistic advice –
For adventuresome women who don’t think twice,
About indulging their passions, their vanities & desires
And of luxuries, delicacies, & thrills, never tire.

Last Tuesday I realized I’d lost all my jobs –
From a high paying salary, to needing to rob,
I was tapped out, strapped, in Chapter 11
So I decided I needed a sweet taste of heaven.

I tried eating my remaining money, thinking it might taste of heaven. Note to self: money does not taste "of heaven." It tastes more along the lines of soy sauce, ink and B.O.

What could it be? Possibly jewels?
Too pricey, by far, I needed some rules!
A gourmet meal, a night on the town!
But I was tired of New York, all the running around.

Just as I started to give up all hope
To wallow, and grumble, watch TV and mope,
A friend dropped me a line and planted a seed –
He said, “I know exactly what it is that you need!”

“What?” I asked, sure he’d say something bland –
“Why a vacation of course, to a new foreign land!”
And that’s when it struck me – of course, how handy!
My flier miles would take me someplace warm, someplace sandy!

He told me – “of course – you know – you should come visit me –
In the Bayou, Cresent City, The Big EASY!”
He’d nailed it! Of course – it was the thing to do!
So I redeemed all my miles, packed my bags and flew!

Here I am, flying.

The very next day I was dangling mid air
Over St. Louis in a plane that had cost me no fare.
I was flying 32,000 feet above all my worries,
For five days I was free, with no place to hurry.

Each day and night was precious indeed
I ate oysters, drank beer, went swimming and dreamed.
I hardly used my mind at all –
Spent hours just chatting in a faux southern drawl.

As luck should have it, as soon as I left,
I was offered a job, my worries put to rest.
I flew back today, sad to say goodbye,
Dirty and happy, a bit fatter in size.

To those who hosted me, I send you my love,
You were magnificent hosts, that rose high above
All my expectations, and quite a bit higher,
You’ve refreshed, and delighted, calmed and inspired.

So what’s my advice? I suppose it’s quite clear,
When you’re out of a job, don’t wallow in fear!
Take a vacation, you’re great, you deserve it!
The money will come, so pack your toothbrush and split!

Cat-o The YOUNGEST.

Brief Biography of Cat-o the Youngest:
Cat-o the Youngest, unlike her great forefathers, Cato the Elder and Cato the Younger, is a woman of Grecian influence. She is a hedonistic humorist. To Cato the Elder’s comment: “Grasp the subject, words will follow,” Cat-o the Youngest says: “Feed the subject, in turds we’ll wallow .” While Cato the Younger was a follower of “Stoicism,” Cat-o the Youngest prefers to, “Show-it-to-him!”

Cat-o’s Tips for Cats: Advice worth Caterwauling for!

Cat-o the Youngest, unlike her great forefathers, Cato the Elder and Cato the Younger, is a woman of Grecian influence. She is a hedonistic humorist.

To Cato the Elder’s comment: “Grasp the subject, words will follow,” Cat-o the Youngest says: “Feed the subject, in turds we’ll wallow .” While Cato the Younger was a follower of “Stoicism,” Cat-o the Youngest prefers to, “Show-it-to-him!”

In short, Cat-o is a brilliant fount of information, and serves as an invaluable resource for young lady cats far and wide.

Have a problem? Never fear.
Cat-o’s Tips for Cats is here.

Question 1: Dear Cat-o, I am a high-heel-aholic. When I step onto a subway platform in high heels, my heart skips a beat. My legs look like long stem roses, and crowds recede for me like the Red Sea. I’m positively desperate to find a comfortable pair to wear while navigating the snowy sidewalks of New York. Any tips? – Tipsy, the Cat-o-heel-a-holic.

Dear Tipsy,

The answer’s easy: EasySpirits!
See that snow bank? In these you’ll clear it!
With rubber heels and room for your toes,
You hardly need to put on clothes!

Easy Spirit Boot : Just $50!

Advice worth Caterwauling for!

Cat-o (The Youngest)